Jammies. Check! Fluffy pillows. Check! I am HOME! My waist is very thankful that I’m wearing stretchy pj’s instead of the too-tight jeans I wore today. Exhaling, unrestrained, is wonderful.
So, yes, I am back from church. My bad attitude is gone, thanks to two leaders who allow God to work through them on Wednesday evenings. Their lesson was “on the money.” They “read my mail.” Ok for those of you that don’t attend church regularly, this does not mean that the lesson was on money or that they were rummaging through my mailbox. Tonight, in a room full of teenage girls (I volunteer in our church’s youth group), the message was for me. Wow. It amazes me that I will deal with something so strongly all day long, telling NO one about it, and then me and my attitude are put on notice. I’m so glad that I went. Still, it’s freaky for someone who knows nothing about your situation is led to speak exactly what you need to hear.
I do wish that their message had dealt with all of the junk crowding my life. I guess you can only do so much in a forty-five minute lesson. At this point, the voices in my head are yelling at a steady loud volume and I’m having trouble focusing on anything. They (the voices) are angry and so am I. But first, I’m not crazy. I’m not schizophrenic. I’m writing about the normal self-talk that we all engage in from time to time. I’m just having trouble turning it off now. But I am angry. Pissed off. Stomp my foot on the ground and pound my fist on the desk mad. Why am I so upset? What is causing me to contemplate packing up our belongings and move to Alaska? One word. Family. Actually, two words with a hyphen would be better; extended-family. My husband, son, and mom, those that dwell in my house are just wonderful. My father-in-law is just a doll. But there are others that make me want to run away and hide, with my husband, son and mom (and father-in-law). It SUCKS. That word, SUCKS, is not a very lady-like word, but I am using it appropriately at this time!
I know I’m being vague. I asked my son, “Son, who did you tell about my blog?”
Eyes squinting and looking off into space, he replied “Ummm, I’m not sure.”
Lovely. So, extended family members who have really ticked me off, who have gone out of your way to be hurtful to my family, you KNOW who you ARE. If you’re reading this, I would stop immediately and go read someone else’s blog. You know who you are. You know what you’ve said and done. Most of all God knows. Period.
I’ve watched family dynamics keep sisters apart for years. And when they finally were “brought back together,” it was over the phone, mainly, and rarely. The relationship was never the same. Pride comes before the fall.